SEX AND OBSCENITY IN THE BIBLE

GENESIS

17:9-14 Circumcision mandated
19:1-8 Rape virgins instead of male angels
19:30-38 Righteous man impregnates his 2 daughters while drunk
24:2-3, 9 Place your hand “under the thigh” (sexual organs) of someone swearing sacred oaths
25:1-6 Keeping mistresses is not adultery
32:25 God grabs Jacob’s testicles
34:1-31 Brothers are riled when sister is defiled
35:2 Reuben sleeps with father’s concubine
38:1-10 Onan’s method of birth control not approved
38:12-30 Tamar plays the harlot to seduce father-in-law
39:1-20 Women tries to rape man
47:29 Joseph ordered to place his hand under father’s thigh

EXODUS

20:26 God specifies building of altar to prevent exposure of nakedness
22:19 Death decreed for bestiality
33:17-23 God moons Moses

NUMBERS

31:1-18; 28-47 God commands genocide of Midianites, Moses orders that virgins be kept, other captives slain
5:11-31 God’s fidelity test for women only

LEVITICUS

12:1-8 Bible calls childbirth a sin and bearing females a greater sin than bearing males
15:16-18 Sperm and intercourse are unclean
15:19-33 Menstruation unclean; elaborate rules
15:29-30 Women must make sin offering for menstrual periods
18:22 Homosexuality declared an abomination
18:23 More bestiality
19:1,20-22 Man gets forgiven, slave girl gets flogging
20:10 Adulterers shall be put to death
20:13 Death decreed for homosexuals
20:15-16 Death decreed for bestiality (& beast)
26:29 Curse: Eat your sons and daughters

DEUTERONOMY

3:1-7 Kill men, women, & children
21:10-14 God okays captured maidens as trial wives
22:5 Men’s clothing not to be worn by women, & vice versa
22:13-21 A bride not a virgin must die
22:23-26 Virgin raped in city given no pity
23:12-14 Defecation: Carry paddle, dig hole, & cover up
25:5-10 Woman has cause to spit in man’s face
25:11-12 A woman shall have her hand cut off for touching a penis
22:28-29 Paying father to have sex with daughter
23:1 Man “wounded in the stones” can’t enter congregation
23:2 Children born out of wedlock condemned as bastards to 10th generation
23:10-11 Cleanliness called for in nocturnal emissions
24:1 Man can divorce wife through eviction
28:27 Hemorrhoids (“emerods”) punishment for sin
28:30 Lord’s curse: Another man shall lie with groom’s bride first
28:53-57 Curse: Eat your own body & children

JUDGES

3:20-22 Dagger in fat king’s gut gets “dirt” out
4:4-22 Hammer & nail murder by woman
8:30 Gideon had many wives, concubines
11:29-40 Jephtha’s daughter: human sacrifice
19:1-30 Woman raped and ruined by homosexuals
21:6-25 Amidst carnage virgins captured for wives

RUTH

3:6-9 To “hook” him as husband, Ruth sleeps with Boaz
4:9-10 Boaz buys Ruth

I SAMUEL

5:9-12 Philistines “smitten with emerods” as punishment for stealing ark
6:1-5 To placate God, make golden emerods
15:3 God orders Saul to kill suckling babes
18:23-27 200 foreskins gain David a king’s daughter
25:22,34 Any that pisseth against the wall

II SAMUEL

3:7 More concubine hanky-panky
11:1-27 Uriah sent to lose his life so David can get his wife
12:7-12 Obscene performance to be viewed by all Israel
5:13 David had many wives, concubines
Chapter 13 Amnon rapes his sister
16:20-23 Absalom copulates with father’s concubines on rooftop
20:3 David imprisons concubines for above

I KINGS

1:1-4 Virgin as therapy for sick old man unsuccessful
11:1-10 Wise Solomon has wives and concubines galore
14:10 Him that pisseth against the wall
16:11 One that pisseth against a wall
21:21 Him that pisseth against the wall

II KINGS

6:24-33 “So we boiled my son, and did eat him”
9:8 Subject not mentioned in sermons
23:7 Male houses of prostitution destroyed

I CHRONICLES

1:32-33 Abraham’s concubines have children

II CHRONICLES

11:21 King Rehoboam had 18 wives & 60 concubines

ESTHER

Chapters 1-2 Sexual contest to decide new queen
SONG OF SOLOMON (the whole thing!)

ISAIAH

3:16 “…and the Lord will discover their secret parts”
9:20 Every man shall eat the flesh of his own arm
14:21-22 Slaughter children for fathers’ iniquity
16:11 Biblical boast: “My bowels shall sound like an harp”
36:12 Eating dung and drinking piss

JEREMIAH

16:4 Grievous, obscene deaths

LAMENTATIONS

2:19 Something to lament
4:10 Women boil children for food

EZEKIEL

4:12-15 God says: Eat bread defiled with dung
5:8-10 What’s for dinner?
8:2 Lord’s loins make guest appearance
16:15 Fornications pour out
16:36-37 Their “filthiness poured out…”
23:1-40 Sex organs and ejaculate of harlots’ lovers compared to asses & horses
29:7-8 God performs bloody castration via a sword

HOSEA

1:2-11 God tells Hosea to take whore to wife
2:1-15 Complications ensue (lewdly described)

NAHUM

3:4-6 Lord: “I will discover thy skirts upon thy face”

MALACHI

2:1-4 An angry god will spread feces on your faces

MATTHEW

5:27-30 A man may lust but it’s not considered just
5:31-32 Man can divorce wife for fornication only
19:3-9 Man who divorces and remarries is adulterer
19:12 Castrate yourself for Jesus
22:24 Law of Onan (you have to marry your dead brother’s wife)

LUKE

2:21 Eight day old Jesus is circumcised

ACTS

5:38 Eunuch baptized
15:24 Circumcision is not commandment
16:3 Paul circumcises adult

ROMANS

1:26-32 Gay men and lesbians “worthy of death”

I CORINTHIANS

6:18-20 Abstain from sex
7:1-40 To be more holy, refrain from sex wholly
7:18-19 If you’re not circumcised, stay that way

GALATIANS

5:1-4 Paul speaks against circumcision

REVELATION

17:1-6 A whore is stripped, eaten and burned

TEACHINGS OF THE “PRINCE OF PEACE”

LUKE

12:51-2 “Suppose ye that I am come to give peace on earth? I tell you, Nay; but rather division: For from henceforth there shall be five in one house divided, three against two, and two against three.”

14:26 “If any man come unto me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.”

19:27 “But those mine enemies which would not that I should reign over them, bring hither, and slay them before me.”

MATTHEW

10:34 “Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I come not to send peace, but a sword.”

10:35-6 “For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law. And a man’s foes shall be they of his own household.”

15:4 “For God commanded, saying, Honor thy father and mother: and, He that curseth father or mother, let him die the death.”

EXODUS

22:18 Reason for murder of many innocent women
“Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.”

LEVITICUS

24:16 Death for pronouncing name of Yahweh (the “Lord”)

ROMANS

13:1-6 Obey the leader, (even if it’s Hitler!)

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